CERTAIN DEATH 7" (2013, Halo Of Flies / Alerta Antifascista)
HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE CD/LP (2011, Southern Lord)
I was born screamingI never caught my breath
A smile misleading
A life obsessed with death
Sleep it off
Tomorrow is no clean slate
Just blank page after page, the open book of my mind
A tattered note from my father shoved into my spine:
"A downward spiral of a future, never free from your past,
lose yourself in what you love, though it never fucking lasts."
A violent life
A violent death
Step back, regress, regret, dissect
Her silent life
It left us deaf
Abuse, neglect until you left and set her free
Your eulogy was if I could just bring you back I'd tell you with my hands on your neck
Choke on it you piece of shit
You deserved what you got
Now shut your eyes, fucking rot
A violent life
A violent death
A stolen youth it tortures you
Weighing your mind with the layers of red tape, pressed to find silver linings
Sold you short
You are the product they made
You owe them nothing
Let them burn
You spent your life manufacturing the knife that they put in your back
Your quota was met
Your example was set
I reject your ethics in facing betrayal
Just what the fuck do you know about remorse,
About failing to ever find balance
The boiling point
Slipping into the void
In the face of accession you offered contempt
It was never my choice
I just cant let it go, so I just knot the rope around my neck
Kick the chair and forget
The obituary to all I had left
Overbearing and selfish, I'm too much to take
You offered your hand but it is just too...
Exhausted, but still restless
I can't collect my thoughts
Clutching an empty pen, I trace a hollow meaning
In a notebook I'll misplace mapped out disgrace
Lost then found, the stranger runs his hand down what seems familiar
Page by page, silently searching for a bond to the ink as it fades
Just adolescent, immature shit
The stranger, so shallow
The sheep, in disguise
He and I for decades have shared the same eyes and the shame.
The cycles, the circles set in stone
In defeat he'll die convinced he's immune to the words from back then
Soon enough he'll write them again
White knuckles grip sheets as the nighttime turns to day, and my head throbs with my pulse
These racing thoughts offer not one ounce of forgiveness
Inadequacies are the only thing leaving me standing for so many years
I have tried to let them go, but I am left so hollow
So with another worthless lesson, I'm still this worthless person
Just another worthless lesson
This feeling in the pit of my stomach from swallowed pride, swallowed shit
Pressing the hate deep, eviscerate you from me
Sophomoric intellect from a chattering man, selfish even in death
Still swallows the broken glass
Cold air on fresh wounds with every breath
Will I ever see this to its end, or will it see me to mine?
Still choking on the fact of what none of this ever was
All I've written, for and because forced common ground
Never had the heart, but I could fake the sound
Promised it on paper, but nothing changed in me
Like pushing forward down a dead end street
Where my stages of grief only end in hostility
I'm holding grudges and I'm dug in deep.
We're the hand that feeds everyone of your fucking needs
Repaid by the bone-deep bite wounds to the wrist
They'll never heal so you're never missed
When every good thing dies
And every good one lies
Why should I be any different
Grind your teeth
Watch you bleed
Just shut your eyes and pull the plug
Denying yourself by denying the flood
The false bonds that you've made dissolved in the blood
A new definition of real love.
Out Of Focus
Leave where I know, or die where I stay
So I drink it down, can't chase it away
But I'm circling the drain
A future anchored to the fact that it'll be destroyed
The stability of every life forced, contrived, bored
Can't be held down
Bygones so soon forgotten
The roots I've laid fleeting, decayed, rotting
I'll be remembered going headfirst into oncoming traffic
For all the happy, pointless times that never really lasted
Embellished lies of the good times that never happened
I am the visionless
I am the artless
I am alone, yet unreflecting
Compelled to words, yet still voiceless
I'm fucked up and guilty, I'll never confess
Don't think. Don't breathe. Don't rest.
When sleep finally creeps in and the nightmares win
Cup my mouth, I'm losing teeth from a shit eating grin
and you'll apologize, just smile, and bat your eyes
but still keep spitting such shit
I'm done, I fucking quit.
So listen please, and listen well
I'll say this once
I hope you burn in hell
Your living hell, the smoke burns your lungs
Your living hell, you made with your tongue
And you're all alone and I'm not losing sleep
You're all alone, and you should be.
These fairy tales are culling songs to our ears.
We fell asleep so peacefully, and never lived again.
Hasty graves for ambition/compassion
I find myself again pressed against the glass
Separated from you all
Searching for the crack to bring myself full circle.
Whispering words to make these wrongs right
Fear and reluctance still linger in my mind
Maybe the only thing that's broken is me
Such confidence in my ignorance
Such confidence in the afterlife
The cold, the dark, the dirt.
Devolution / The blight of man
The tunnel vision of privileged hands
The vicious cycle, the vultures feed
The weighted scales of our want and need
The apathetic, the overfed
The feeble shackled farm-bred walking dead
The great collusion, the closed doors
I'm walking barefoot on killing floors
Pigeonholed into the pits of depression
The shoddy scaffolding surrounds complacency
The delusions I've built
Still passing burdens of my guilt
In spite of a rusted future looming by
In spite of every sentient sacrifice
Reinforcing self-centered obsessive vanity
Still reflecting what we swore we'd never be
A life spent accountable for nothing
The simplicity in being desensitized to the dominance
Misusing power, abusing power, confusing power as intelligence
Turning the people I love into monsters
Making murderers of my closest friends
With nothing gained, just motionless blame
Such brutality I thought completely from our hands
Abomination, the pain in every word
I'll never comprehend this calculated bitter end
Your hands are clean, but your conscience bleeds
and from that fear its spite has a face
Our past cheapened, denied, erased.
HEARTLESS s/t 7" (2010)
I could pray to an absent god, or the deaf man sitting next to me.
Or I could just keep my fucking mouth shut.
My questions never answered, I'm getting weaker everyday.
Some things just happen, some things they just don't go away.
Completely convinced that we're living in hell.
Shit on so often I'm used to the smell.
Coughing up maggots, decaying inside.
In faceless monotony, I'm buried alive.
Try but you can't pick me out of a line of two.
A name is all I am to you, to anybody.
Want a higher meaning? Bite the barrel of a gun.
But death is what becomes of you and everybody else.
I'm the ghost that haunts this place.
The tortured soul that can't relate.
I'm the ghost.
There’s nothing to diagnose, nothing to prescribe
For this faceless pain, that everyday eats me alive.
These words are just becoming so redundant,
and every second just seems so incessant.
Living life without a single connection,
So much time spent buried in this
When you wander these tunnels, your only thoughts are
All you can feel are the walls.
How can I stand for something?
I’m on my knees and I cant even crawl.
Only knew darkness, after threatened with light.
Only knew darkness after threatened with light,
but life is so ugly I'm thankful for night.
This was an accident, wasn't it?
Trying to find out what's different from this man on the ground,
the deer head on the wall, because it looks the same to me.
This was no accident.
So where are we supposed to rest our heads?
In this sea of concrete that's just dead?
So sick of the grey.
If these buildings could talk, I know what they'd say.
"You don't belong here. You never have, and you never will."
An entire year spent dealing with constant pains from these fading scars.
Held down and adorned with by doctors, and lawyers, and speeding cars.
As I choked on my teeth, and let the blood in my mouth just fill my lungs.
Even if I'm still breathing, you made the good in me die fucking young.
You made me die fucking young.
And with a blank stare, I'm gazing straight into the face of a still uncertain future.
Saddened eyes haunted by the past full of broken bones and sloppy sutures.
And for those I came here with, and for those that came before,
and to the people I should love...
I feel nothing more than fucking disgust.
So what peace do you offer that I haven't already found and put back in its place?
What monuments are left to build of this, just to watch crumble in disgrace?
Did you just not get the memo, or do you just not get the point?
My only mission statement is that I live to disappoint.
End of the Line
Force fed a truth I was too young to have ever known.
When you left, I learned I was born and am doomed to die like you, alone.
Live and learn, we die alone.
Follow the footsteps of my family before.
I can’t escape this.
The easy way out, wont feel anymore.
The final step.
Is this what’s left of my lineage... my end of the line?
Is this my only true lineage... my end of the line?
If that’s what it takes, I’ll leave you behind.
Erase every memory, forget your face.
There will be no love.
There will be no respect.
There will be no guilt, none at all.
Nothing at all.
So I'll bury these days down deep with your death certificate.
The dirt's your last deathbed and you alone are left to lie in it.
SPLIT 7" w/ THE BLIND (2010, Suburban Mayhem)
Eyes fixed on something that just isn't there
Convinced that love does exist somewhere
But everything good is running away
And all that's left is this unending ache.
On My Head
You're one of them,
But I still would've worn you like some gold flaked crown of shit,
Even if the paint was peeling and I knew you'd never really fit.
We slip through the cracks of society's fingers
Embracing the outskirts with diluted rage.
Emptiness never feels like a burden when those who surround you feel the same.
I dig myself these holes.
They've never been to deep.
'Cause once they realize that I'm gone
Nothing will come for me.
The silence gets louder everyday.
Can I even say I've never tried to fucking change?
Can I even make these things right inside my head?
'Cause what am I but a depiction of depression and regret
A fucking lifeless shell
My breath is heavy, and so are my eyes
Accept this fate trapped in the skin of a person I despise
BLANK PAGES AND BROKEN GLASS TAPE (2009)
Three times I walked the last mile.
Three times it never got any easier.
Unflinching faith torn apart from the inside.
You were my friends, You were my brothers
I've closed doors on people I never got to meet.
So disgusted with my conformity.
With a sense of humor, but no self respect.
And I can't change who they'll always expect.
Cheap laughs for your approval, but self reflection projects the joke.
I could punch out the mirror, but what would it change.
Broken glass can't rewrite my history.
And staples can't hold every scar closed.
A flood of useless ideas leave, a book of pages as good as blank.
A river run dry, spread too thin.
Abused and polluted. Palm pressed on my forehead.
The lords calling, I won't call my own. Believe in some outdated myth, or admit my life was meant for dirt.
Once fertile soil, standing knee deep in fucking ash. Nothing but a lost potential for growth.
Every inch has been burnt out.
Palm pressed on the good book, but I'm still speaking in half truths.
There are questions and I cant find the answers.
And I got demons I can't leave in some confession booth.
A flood of useless ideals leave my mind, as good as blank.
Life of A Ghost
Staring cold into the river.
I've been throwing rocks at my body's polluted reflection.
The life of a ghost.
And all I want, is to fucking disappear.
A past like a shattered glass.
Nothing but remnants of places, times, and faces too blank,
to disconnected, to ever remember or put a name to.
A pictures worth a thousand words, but who the fuck is even listening?
Struggling against the current of a self-indulgent fantasy.
Coming to terms that I'll never leave a legacy.
They'll forget me.
They'll forget you.
Like we never really did ever exist.
What a fucking waste.
A history of overwhelming inadequacy.
There's always someone there to put me in my place.
With immeasurable standards that I can't seem to face.
Why am I never the man,
Why am I never the son,
Why am I never the friend,
The something more I wish I could be?
And I mark my calendar.
Keep a tight schedule of eventual letdowns.
How could I expect you to be any different?
And I've had enough reality checks.
And I've been sizing my belts to fit around my neck.
A silhouette is my only company.
I'm a shadow of the man I used to be.
Portrait of pain cast on the wall, dull and listless.
The blurry edges of cynicism, the body of envy.
Trying to keep my head above the ground,
while the pain just buries me.
Trying to keep my head above the ground,
while the hate just buries me.
Resent everyone that I know with every step they take.
So secure in their success.
My only comfort is my disgrace.